A hostess who sets an elegant table provides her guests an experience they will long remember. The meal flows gracefully from one course to the next when familiar placement gives your guests a certain comfort level. Then a bit of creativity with the centerpiece can add that extra touch of charm that makes a meal memorable. A vase of fresh flowers is always a delight, but don’t let that limit your imagination. You can create a theme, celebrate a family event or just show off you personal style. The table setting will tell your guests as much about you as the menu selections.
Me,
I do buffet. I simply can not set a proper table. Since my Mother
was a waitress at four star restaurants, I should know how. But I
don’t. No matter how many times she
tried to teach me I just never remember.
Hand me the water glasses and I fumble. Hand me the silverware and
I am frozen in place. I imagine my mother standing behind me, her
frustration mounting as I am unable to
figure out where to put the salad fork. To this day, I have no idea about
the forks or bread knifes or soup spoons and I can not discuss any of it
without developing a headache. I think it’s a learning disorder of some
sort. So, I do buffet. I wrap the
silverware in pretty napkins and place them in pretty baskets next to the stack
of plates. I say to my guests, “Here it is, this is what I have to offer,
take what you like.”
It
is a failing that I regret because I have come to understand the value of a
good table setting and I don’t mean dishes and silverware. We live in a
world obsessed with appearance. The food
at the neighborhood diner may be a scrumptious but folks will pay much higher
costs for the ambience of the five star restaurant. Setting a good table means
not rushing the meal, no desert first and no eating at the kitchen sink. It means insisting on time and attention to
what you have to share. It’s a slower
pace, a deeper hunger to satiate. The
meal will long be remembered, along with the hostess.
The
same way we imagine the dinner party and create the event in our minds before
it actually happens, we are always setting the table for our lives. We
create a mood or show our style. By doing so we are designing our own
destiny.
All
my life I have imagined the future. When I fall asleep instead of
dwelling on a past I can’t correct or a present I can’t escape, I imagine a
future. The way some girls plan a wedding – I have planned entire
wardrobes. I have the school clothes, wife clothes, mother clothes, working
woman clothes. But it’s not about the clothes. It’s about the
person. I imagined the kind of student I wanted to be. When tragedy
took my childhood, I had already imagined a happy one. I saw report cards
and smiling teachers, prom dates and graduation.
Again
and again in my life, when tragedy struck I was able to go on auto pilot. I
would fall asleep imagining a world that was fair and just, a husband who was
loving and children who were healthy and strong. I saw my home as a place
comfy and filled with whimsy. I drew floor plans and wrote the
script. The image was like a beacon in the dark night. I steered
for it without thinking. Sometimes I think that was a blessing and other
times I see it as a curse. Reality was never quite like my dreams.
I
imagined a husband and marriage that could not exist in reality. I
created children to fulfill my imagined role as mother. When things went
wrong, when the Carpenter Husband was unfaithful or the children were troubled,
I found myself trying to rewrite the script. Trying to make it fit with the
images I had.
I
think everyone has done this at least once in their life. You’ve been
stupid in public. You are humiliated and embarrassed. You know you mucked
it up and you walk around for days reenacting the scene in your mind. You
may be walking down the street, mumbling and shaking your head. Or
in the midst of dinner, you blurt out the "correct answer" to a
bewildered dinner partner. The event is on a continuous loop and you
seem unable to stop yourself. Your brain seems to think you can
reprogram memory and forget what an idiot you were. But it doesn’t
work like that. You can not edit your life and leave out the bruised and rotten
parts. You cannot rewrite the story and give yourself a better part.
In
a positive way, we program ourselves for success. If you imagine happy
marriage enough times, it will be easier to have one. But living in
daydreams can just be a way to set yourself up for failure. Say you have
to have the “talk” with someone. It doesn’t matter what it’s about - bad
grades, pregnant, car accident, break up or marry me. You rehearse it
over and over. You set the table and program yourself for the response.
Maybe
it’s your anniversary and he insists on dinner at a certain restaurant.
You let your thoughts wander. You see him hide a ring in a glass of
champagne. Maybe you imagine he’s down on one knee with trembling hands
telling you that you are his one and only love. What if you’re
wrong? What if what if he’s telling you that he’s met the love of his
life and it’s not you. It is always best to live in the moment and not in
your imagination.
We
can imagine for ourselves a life that does not exist filled with unreal
expectations or overblown fears. We can create failures where none
existed. We can live on hope when none exists. We can pretend someone
loves us and miss those who do. We rehearse emotions. We set the table
with our expectations and fears. Always, we must live in this
moment, this reality. Not past tragedy or future dreams.
Setting
the table? This helpful hint comes from the Washington Post:
Article
date: July 11, 2000 Copyright
One
of the easiest ways to impress grown-ups is to say, "Don't worry, Mom.
I'll set the table." And one of the easiest ways to steam a grown-up is to
make the table look as if a tornado has hit is. Raienne South, 12, from
Rockville, has a way to remember how to set the table.
Raienne
writes: "When setting the table, how can you remember which side of the
plate the knife, fork and spoon go on? How about the glass? Well, 'fork' has
four letters and so does 'left,' so the fork goes on the left side of the
plate. 'Knife,' 'spoon' and 'glass' all have five letters and so does right, so
they go on the right."
Or
like me, you can just do it buffet style. But set a table that suits you.
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